Anticipatory grief is a complex form of grief that can hide in the shadows. It can be unsettling, confusing and difficult to navigate.
Anticipatory grief usually occurs when faced with an impending loss of a loved one. Perhaps someone is approaching the end of their life (due to age or illness) or they’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. It’s common for family and friends to experience grief in anticipation, long before their loved one dies.
People experiencing anticipatory grief can feel quite anxious as they know their loved one will die soon, but they don’t know when it will happen or the circumstances around the death. They wonder if they should visit the nursing home more often, just in case their loved one passes away soon.
Guilt can be overwhelming for people struggling with anticipatory grief. Many people feel guilty for “already grieving” the loss of a loved one, while they are still alive. They place expectations on themselves, “I should be enjoying every last minute with them” and “it’s wrong to think of someone dying”.
Some people in anticipatory grief are fearful of what it will actually feel like when their loved one passes away or angry that they will soon be without their special person.
Even though many members of a family may be experiencing anticipatory grief, they may resist discussing this with others for fear of being judged or misunderstood. In some cultures, it may be considered shameful to think or talk about an impending death. Often people avoid seeking help with anticipatory grief, due to the guilt or shame they are feeling.
Sometimes, family members may be so consumed by their care giving role, that they don’t allow time or space for their anticipatory grief to be felt or acknowledged.
People who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness can also experience anticipatory grief. They may grieve the loss of the future they had planned or grieve the loss of the person they once were, before becoming ill.
If you are experiencing anticipatory grief, please know that it’s normal and common, even though it isn’t discussed as openly as grief following a loss.
Supporting people with anticipatory grief is a special focus of mine and I encourage you to reach out for support with navigating these complex emotions you are experiencing. You can schedule your grief support session at www.griefspace.com.au and I encourage you to make space for honouring your unique experience with grief.
Michelle Marazakis - Counsellor
Grief Space
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